Archive for humor

joke book

Posted in word-drum with tags , , , on September 20, 2010 by Word-Drum

Word-Drum News Headlines:

                              Bar Explodes Killing 2

The victims were Father Finnegan and Rabbi Rosenberg. This time a bar went into a Priest and a Rabbi.

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                              Poultry Heist

“I had to ask him why the chicken crossed the road.” said Melvin Moorehouse who witnessed the crime. “The thief offered the birds some feed and tried to lead them away from the truck. But one of them ran across the street. He told me he loved that chicken, that’s why he crossed the road. I think he loved him too hard.”

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Why did Barack and Michelle Obama cross the road?…

To get away from the White House.

Why didn’t they cross the road?

BAAAAACKKK! There was a huge Tea Party going on across from the White House.

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A Priest, a Rabbi, and a chicken cross the road…and go into a bar.

“Welcome Rabbi. Welcome Father.” says the bartender.

”Get out of here, Chicken. I told you to go across the street to The Colonel’s if you want a drink.”

(OK, so that answers why the chicken crossed the road…)

“What would you like, Gentlemen?”

“Whiskey all around, my friend.” says the Priest.

“We are going to a Tea Party so we will just need a small glass of bolstering spirit.”

“Was that chicken going too?” asks the bartender.

“No, he’s a Moderate. He thinks he’s smarter than us, like all Moderates. But we know he’s really just a chicken.”

new productions for word-drum records

Posted in music, word-drum with tags on August 25, 2010 by Word-Drum

The Talent

                           1. “I’m A Crazy Bitch” – Nancy Pelosi

2. “Breath To America” – The Fire-Breathing Sharia Sisters

                3. “Show Me Your Golf Scores, Mr. President” –
                               The Jerome Corsi Singers

4. “Pull My Daisy” (live version) – Daisy Kahn and The Con Job

               5. “Jews Can’t Jump (Me)” – Jeremiah Wright

6. “Al’s Wacky Weekend With Osama” – UBL ReMix Company

                             7. “Endorse This” – Tiger Woods

gippy and the hizzies

Posted in obama era, word-drum with tags on August 17, 2010 by Word-Drum

Guest Blogger: Gippy the Hippy

Last year I invited Mr. Florien Stain (aka Dirty Floor) to write a post about Hannah Giles.(Hannah The Angel)

Now I welcome Gippy the Hippy to tell you a little story.

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Gippy and the Hizzies 

by Gippy the Desert Hippy

I don’t label things. I didn’t even name my dog. I asked him what he calls himself and he said Barack. So that’s his name.

I live out in the desert with Barack. Up until last week I looked after land that some rich dude owns.

One day this Land Rover pulled up to my trailer. Two real friendly guys with beards like mine asked me if I owned the land. I told them I could give them the number of Goldberg the owner.

I could tell they were Arabs. They probably didn’t want to hassle with Jews. I told them that I respect them. They warmed up to me even more and broke out some real fine Lebanese hash. We sat watching the sun set over the desert, smoking that rightous kief and drinking tea.

They were looking for a nice secluded spot where they could pray and perhaps shoot off some rifles once in a while…to celebrate the victories of their favorite soccer teams and for religious holidays.

I agreed to let them use a spot by the canyon. They would give me an ounce of hash every two weeks.

More and more of them started rolling in there. They had a real nice Camp. It was some sort of club. They called themselves Hizzbowler or something like that. I just called them Hizzies.

The Hizzies and I got along fine. They didn’t bother me and I did likewise. Old man Goldberg never visited his property. And no one was building anything so there was hardly anybody else around.

Pedro and Juan, who were my closes neighbors, told me they liked the Hizzies too. Most of them spoke real good Spanish.

My neighbors crossed over the border but never made it to L.A. where they were both heading. They found each other and fell in love. It turns out many of the Hizzies are also gay. They had parties at the Mexican boy’s trailer almost every night.

Things got a little weird when I asked if I could join their club. They call me Gippy the Hippy but I do like guns.

They told me first I must become a Muslim. I told them I was of all faiths and was already part Muslim. This was impossible according to them.

Gippy ain’t down with the Neo-Cons, so I wouldn’t label them Terrorists. Not until one of them finally told me:

“We are more than a club. I have been teaching Spanish and training mujahideen down in South America for the last few years. Now all operations have moved into the next phase: consolidating our forces for operation in North America.”

“There is great opportunity for Americans who work with us. But any who stand in our way won’t last long. We have power at the top and forces on the ground almost ready to strike. “

Barack!, my dog barked. I almost pissed my pants, I was so scared by this dude.

The next day I moved out and called Goldberg to tell him I quit.

“What happened?” he asked me. “Did you screw up?”

“I wouldn’t label it that.” I told him.

hairy decade (crown thy good)

Posted in 9/11, terrorism, word-drum with tags , , , , , on July 9, 2010 by Word-Drum

What a decade it’s been! On the eleventh of September in the first year, I watched the World Trade Center be destroyed on television.

It was one of the rare times that watching TV didn’t mean looking at people’s hair. Not that it’s a personal interest, or that there is anything wrong with hairdressers. But I can’t help noticing the hair, and sometimes stop listening.

One year later I was back in the U.S. for the first time in seven years. I tell the story here.

If you read the story, know that the narrator had pretty good hair(then).

It’s the decade I went from the Left to the Right. And I’m not talking about parting my hair. More hair and some family hairstory: “Part of the Zionist Conspiracy.” or comb through this: Jimmy Martyr and see photos of The Tower I lived in, where(you guessed it) I could finally let my hair down.

I was as hard-headed as any Lefty, and it only took another gang of crazy Muslims to start to clear my head (below the wavy cut I was styling).

One thing led to another. Life experience with the groovy people made rejecting them easy. Now the crew cut of some Marine seems groovy(and easy to manage) not because of how it looks, but because of what the Marines represent.

Now it is as clear as what’s on Bloggo’s head that the True Blue will set this country right. Perfect? No. But in that general direction. “God mend thine ev’ry flaw”

Dig this:

 America, The Beautiful Lyrics
by Katharine Lee Bates – 1913

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America! God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for pilgrim feet,
Whose stern impassion’d stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America! God mend thine ev’ry flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!

O beautiful for heroes proved In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved,
And mercy more than life!
America! America! May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness,
And ev’ry gain divine!

O Beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam,
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America! God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

out going

Posted in obama, word-drum with tags , , , , on April 13, 2010 by Word-Drum

 Goin’ to aaeeehhh Tea Party.

  Need some smoke.

 It’s not that kind of tea.

 Don’t go sir. You are scheduled for the gym.

 Why not? I hear they are sweeping the country. I like to be eeaahhhh, you know, up to date.

 It’s a Code Four, Mr. President. Placing the Tea Party Movement in the RACIST category. You can’t touch it.

 Well, I just gotta get out of here. I’ll go with a disguise.

(Michelle Bachmann is speaking at the Tea Party.)

 Tea Party People: We love you Michelle!

 I’m not surprised that the White people love her. But what’s up with all these People Of Color!?

 (The First Lady incognito) (She thinks to herself: “We just say that Barack. They all like her. We had our time. Perhaps our time is up. I know why all in our circle still sing our praises. They are clinging to power…just like us.”)

(An older women gives them both a small American flag to wave.)

 (He starts applauding the speaker and shouts with the crowd: “I love the Constitution and it’s worth fighting for!” The President is swept up in the moment. After years of being the focal point, he was enjoying this alternate experience.

He had wanted to replace his missing father with a Nanny State, or worse. Hearing references to the Father of the Country, George Washington, the President was feeling his fatherly strength as a wise and strong leader. A man of few words but magnificence of action.

Could he just stop talking and do the right thing as President too?)

                                Who’s Your Daddy?

 (She sees Barack slipping away and slaps him in the face.)

 Thanks Baby.

random things

Posted in news and politics, word-drum with tags on March 18, 2010 by Word-Drum

One day you might see…

I Am My Own Lawyer – The Barack Obama Story

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Congressman Ryan seems to really understand what’s going on in Washington. There can’t be that many others. Hope they all stay safe. If we all understood it, they’d have to kill us.

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Very soon…

Pelosis are the new Zig Zag.

Nancy(I like numbers) Pelosi goes from Beauty Queen, to Queen of the Children, to Queen Of Rolling Papers… when California legalizes pot to try and regain fiscal health. There’s no stopping her (just her political career).

 

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WordDrum puts forth a bill to require all citizens to buy his CDs

Update: This bill has been deemed passed. Send in your checks or pay me a dollar now…OK, just give me a cigarette…you guys just don’t get it.

                 

x’mas ho hos

Posted in word-drum with tags on December 24, 2009 by Word-Drum

Anti-Mullah